just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize