At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
