You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
