How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
