Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love having hate sex.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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