I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
