shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
