What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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