I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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