Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just high enough for therapy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
