I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
