girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
