i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
