The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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