"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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