you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
