I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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