we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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