Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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