I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
