Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dick has a subreddit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
