I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Help. Why am I so naked?
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