I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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