I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
