I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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