his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
