Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
