I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
