a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
