yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
