wrigley field is MILF paradise
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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