How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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