If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
