You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need a beard to bite.
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