Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
