I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
