I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
