Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
