im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
