You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
