I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The best revenge is premature balding
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There r osticjed everywhere
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
