Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
