I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
