why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
