happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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