I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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