I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
