She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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