i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
