He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
